Have Yourself a Scary Little Halloween

By Mary Mendoza

September 2002

Are you a wizard when it comes to conjuring up a fun Halloween or are you a real pumpkin head? Take our quiz and find out.

1. Do you wait until the last minute to do your Halloween shopping, winding up with a moth-eaten Easter bunny suit instead of the Spiderman costume your kid wanted?
2. Did you mail your Halloween greeting cards by August 15 as the post office advised?
3. Do you haunt craft and party supply stores for weeks searching for the perfect Halloween decorations or will you just toss some white sheets over everything that's not moving?
4. Did you remember to reschedule your surgery so you can be there for your family on this special day?
5. Will you bake and painstakingly decorate Halloween cookies or slap some Oreos on a paper plate and call it a done deal?
6. Do you own a bubbling, boiling cauldron or will you have to rent one?
7. Have you given any thought to a costume for the dog?

If you answered yes, no or maybe to any of these question you're in trouble. Luckily there's help. We culled the following information from online sources and experts in the field of pumpkinology, culinary arts, decorating and pest control. Please accept it with our best wishes for one heck of a happy Halloween.

Mischief with Martha

This Halloween finds domestic diva, Martha Stewart, immersed in a brouhaha over insider trading, but that still hasn't deterred her from pulling out all the stops to celebrate one of her favorite holidays. Martha's site (http://www.marthastewart.com) is oozing over with dandy decorating tips, brilliant pumpkin designs and ingenious recipes. Check out the life-size skeletons, bone-shaped candles and enormous stuffed crows that are right out of a Hitchcock movie.

Decorative Vegetables

What's Halloween without pumpkins? Martha, the Michelangelo of Squash, is a real cut-up when it comes to carving and hot-wiring pumpkins. She also advocates the use of produce not normally associated with Halloween: turnips, beets, gourds, zucchini, and potatoes. I can see broccoli and cauliflower playing key roles as well, if handled properly.

Perfect Pumpkins Every Time

Bored with trekking out to the countryside in search of real pumpkins grown by kind grandfatherly types? Tired of messy pumpkin carving? Visit http://www.funkins.com where for $29.95 you can own a genuine Fun-Kin. According to the manufacturer, "Fun-Kins are made of a low-density, flame-resistant, polyurethane foam. The consistency of the foam is similar to a real pumpkin shell."

No Foolin'

If you decide to stick with the real thing the people at Pumpkin Carving 101 (http://www.pumpkin-carving.com) offer everything from tips on pumpkin juggling to instructions on how to bury your post-holiday pumpkins with "love and dignity."

Halloween Candy

The timing of your trick or treat candy purchase is crucial. If you wait until October 30, you're going to end up with only the nutritious stuff like granola bars and raisins. If you buy too early, you won't be able to fit into your costume. It's a devilish problem.

Kid Appeal

Speaking of candy, Hersey Foods (http://www.trickortreats.com) has a cute website that features a virtual haunted house, a host of party ideas, and lots of cool free stuff to download, plus recipes for "ghostly treats."

Costumes

Outfitting your kid in a Halloween costume -- whether it's homemade or store-bought -- has traditionally been a pain in the posterior for most parents. Not so for the fearless "Frugal Moms," who dispense their brand of money-saving magic with costume-making ideas at http://www.frugal-moms.com. Meanwhile, the folks over at http://www.iParty.com can dress your entire family, including the dog, for under a thousand dollars. They also sell useful items such as the "Austin Powers Accessory Kit," which every family needs.

Lighten Up

Luminaries are big with the Sunset magazine crowd, but they scare me, especially if there are a lot of young children around. Stock up on flashlights, glow sticks or black lights instead.

Repellent Insects and Winged Rodents

These are crucial for a cool Halloween. If you're lucky enough to live where there are natural infestations of spiders try this: spray the spider and its cobweb with shellac. Let dry, snap off, being careful not to chip or crack, then mount on the windowsill. If you don't have shellac, use cake frosting. Realistic-looking bats can be found at Martha by Mail. Now is also the time to start rounding up the other Halloween essentials--crows, black cats, rats, snakes, witches and ghosts.

A Word about Worms

The word is nasty. No, seriously worms play an integral role in Halloween. Most people prefer them as candy, wiggling harmlessly on top of a cupcake, but use your own judgment.

No Smoking

Dry ice is a very hot ticket for Halloween. But ask yourself if you really want frozen carbon dioxide gas floating around your house. Isn't your brother-in-law toxic enough?

Craft Projects

Just as I shun dry ice, so do I reject craft projects. However, if you're being pressured to come up with something creative visit http://www.family.go.com/crafts and then click on "seasonal" for craft ideas.

Entertaining

I like to spend Halloween eve bent over some pumpkin cheesecake and a quart of vodka, but that's just me. If you want to celebrate on a more elaborate scale check out what the people at Kraft Foods (http://www.kraftfoods.com/html/features/halloween) are up to. Their ongoing "Howlin' Halloween Party," features all sorts of fun decorating ideas, pumpkin carving tips, free printable stencils and of course-crafty food ideas.

Setting the Mood

I've done this for years and it never fails to thrill and entertain people of all ages. I frighten them out of their wits by showing them the wallpaper in the back bedroom, the tile grout in the bathroom and scariest of all--the gaping hole in the kitchen where I once had a ceiling.

Going for the Ghoulish

If the macabre side of Halloween appeals to you look at http://www.hauntguide.com for ways to make the holiday truly terrifying.

Mood Music

A good, low-cost sound effect: record the noises the dog makes when you tickle him, then play the tape back very sloooowly when trick or treaters appear. The same effect can also be achieved by playing a Bob Dylan CD simultaneously with Lawrence Welk's "Polka Party" album. Gives me chills just thinking about it!

Halloween Hardware

No holiday lends itself better to power tools and hardware supplies than Halloween. You'll need top of the line drills and knives to sculpt and electrify pumpkins, battery-operated lanterns, material to build rat holding bins, gallons of orange and black paint, and a first aid kit. Luckily, all are available at http://www.cornerhardware.com.

Make Good Scents

Carve your pumpkins tonight. Store them someplace humid like the back of the stove. When they're mushy, moldy and fur is sprouting from every orifice they're done. Mash them up and place their remains in festive flowerpots on your front porch. The smell is sure to limit the number of trick or treaters you'll get, therefore saving you a fortune on candy.

Freaky Food

Peeled grapes, slimy spaghetti, and raw eggs outlived their usefulness as party foods long ago. If you're looking for some tasty grown-up fare for that special Halloween meal, point your little mouse to the Food Network (http://www.foodtv.com).

Here's a nifty idea from Hurricane Mary's kitchen--make an edible haunted house using any Betty Crocker gingerbread recipe or cake mix. If the kids are too stuffed with candy, freeze the house, defrost at Christmas and remodel it to look like Santa's workshop.

Liz Vose of Berwick, Maine came up with the perfect party icebreaker--"Cat Litter Treats." These delicacies are meant to resemble feline droppings -- which are always good for a laugh. They're made of rolled oats, cocoa, peanut butter and Grape Nuts and must be served in an unused cat litter box. By unused I mean brand-spanking new. Guests use a litter scooper (also unused) to dish up the treats. For the complete recipe visit http://www.makestuff.com.

So there you have it--just some examples of how with a little imagination, a strong sense of the absurd and the spirit of adventure anyone can conjure up a bewitching Halloween. Happy Holiday!

Biographical Sketch - Mary Mendoza

Madcap Mary Mendoza, formerly known as Hurricane Mary, lives in the Pacific Northwest with her husband, son, three cats and 200,000 Sunset magazines.

Madcap's humor columns and feature stories have appeared in publications around the Northwest as well as online. She is the author of The Adventures of Madcap Mary, a collection of humorous stories. Madcap can be reached at mmcmendoza@ispiral.com. Her Web site will premiere soon at: http://www.madcapmary.com.