Getting Pumped for Halloween

Your online sorcery

By Mary Mendoza

October 2001

Are you a wizard when it comes to conjuring up a fun Halloween or are you a real pumpkin head? Take our quiz and find out.

1. Do you wait until the last minute to do your Halloween shopping, winding up with a moth-eaten Easter bunny suit instead of the Harry Potter costume your kid wanted? "I also felt that my contributions were meaningless," Hurri continued. My struggles with a temperamental French door, the heartbreak of owning a tiny house, the perils of painting, the angst of a flooded kitchen, had gotten stale."
2. Did you mail your Halloween greeting cards by August 15 as the post office advised?
3. Do you haunt the craft and party supply stores for weeks searching for the perfect Halloween decorations or will you just drape some white sheets over everything that's not moving?
4. Did you remember to reschedule your surgery so you can be there for your family on this special day?
5. Will you bake and decorate dozens of Halloween cookies or slap some Oreos on a paper plate and call it a done deal?
6. Do you own a bubbling, boiling cauldron or will you have to rent one?
7. Have you given any thought to a costume for the dog?

If you answered yes or no to any question you don't stand a ghost of a chance at success. That's why we at cornerhardware.com have put our heads together to bring you this grab bag of information culled from online sources and experts in the field of pumpkinology, culinary arts, decorating and pest control. Remember, Halloween comes but once a year!

Scared Stiff

Frighten visitors by showing them the wallpaper in the back bedroom, the tile grout in the bathroom or scariest of all: that hideous kitchen linoleum you've had since the Eisenhower administration.

Mood Music

A good, low-cost sound effect: record the noises the dog makes when you tickle him or her, then play the tape back very sloooowly when trick or treaters appear. The same effect can also be achieved by playing a Bob Dylan CD simultaneously with Lawrence Welk's "Polka Party" album. Gives me chills just thinking about it!

No Smoking Please

Dry ice is a very hot ticket at Halloween. But ask yourself if you really want frozen carbon dioxide gas floating around your house. Isn't your brother-in-law toxic enough?

Lighting Up

Luminaries are very big with the Sunset magazine and Martha Stewart set, but they scare me. Get yourself a bunch of flashlights, some glow sticks or black lights instead.

Repellent Insects and Winged Rodents

These are critical to any successful Halloween. If you're lucky enough to live where there are natural infestations of spiders try this: spray the spider and its cobweb with shellac. Let dry, snap off, being careful not to chip or crack, then mount on the windowsill. If you don't have shellac, use cake frosting. Bats, the most repugnant of creatures, are also vital. The most realistic-looking ones we found are the Swooping Vampire Bats at Martha by Mail (www.marthastewart.com).

A Word about Worms

The word is nasty. No, seriously worms are also important to Halloween. Most people prefer them made out of candy, wiggling harmlessly on top of a cupcake, but use your own judgment.

Other Old Favorites

Crows, black cats, rats, snakes, witches and ghosts in some form or another are mandatory. Start assembling them now.

Decorative Vegetables

What's Halloween without pumpkins? The Michelangelo of Squash, Martha Stewart, is a real cut-up when it comes to carving and hot-wiring pumpkins. She also advocates the use of produce not normally associated with Halloween: turnips, beets, gourds, zucchini, and potatoes. I can see broccoli and cauliflower playing key roles as well, if handled properly. Check out her competition, www.pumpkinmasters.com, for carving tips.

Costumes

Erma Bombeck claimed that store-bought Halloween costumes have not changed in the last forty years. There are six basics, she said, "ugly old witch, gypsy, hobo, tiger, clown and Spanish dancer." If you're incapable of making a costume and haven't planned ahead (see question number one) there's help. Check out www.frugal-moms.com for kid costumes or www.iParty.com where the entire family, including the dog can be outfitted for less than a thousand dollars.

Entertaining

I like to spend Halloween evening savoring a slice of pumpkin cheesecake, washed down with a pint of vodka, but that's just me. If you want to celebrate on a grander scale point your little mouse to you-know-whose-website.

Halloween Hardware

No holiday lends itself better to power tools and hardware supplies than Halloween. You'll need top of the line drills and knives to sculpt and electrify pumpkins, battery operated lanterns, material to build rat holding bins, gallons of orange and black paint, and a first aid kit. Luckily, all are available at www.cornerhardware.com.

Going for the Ghoulish

If the macabre side of Halloween appeals to you, look at www.hauntguide.com for ways to make your holiday truly terrifying.

Kid Appeal

Hersey Foods has a cute website that offers a countdown to Halloween. Visit it at www.trickortreats.com. Time on your hands? Make an edible haunted house using any Betty Crocker gingerbread house recipe. If everyone is too stuffed with treats, freeze it, defrost at Christmas and do a remodel.

Craft Projects

Just as I shun dry ice, so do I reject craft projects. However, if you're being pressured to come up with something creative visit www.247malls.com/halloween where you can print out their pumpkin stencils.

Make Good Scents

Instead of costly scented candles do this: carve your pumpkins tonight. Store them someplace humid like the back of the stove. When they're mushy, moldy and fur is sprouting from every orifice they're done. Mash them up and place their remains in festive flower pots on your front porch. The smell is sure to limit the number of trick or treaters you'll get, therefore you save money.

Halloween Candy

The timing of your trick or treat candy purchase is critical. If you wait until October 30, you're going to end up with only the nutritious stuff like granola bars and raisins. If you buy too early, you won't be able to fit into your costume. It's a devilish problem.

Freaky Food

Peeled grapes, slimy spaghetti, and raw eggs outlived their usefulness as party foods long ago. Now the trend is towards pumpkin souffles, goose a la orange with pumpkin chutney or anything that floats. However, if you're planning a casual get together here's the perfect party pooper.

This recipe, from Liz Vose of Berwick, Maine (see www.makestuff.com for entire recipe) is called "Cat Litter Treats". These delicacies are meant to resemble feline droppings -- always good for a laugh. They're made of rolled oats, cocoa, peanut butter and Grape Nuts and should be served in an unused cat litter box. By unused I mean brand-spanking new. Guests use a litter scooper (also unused) to dish up the treats.

We made this recipe in our cornerhardware.com test kitchens and they were the cat's meow. This is just one example of how with a little imagination, a strong sense of the absurd and the spirit of adventure anyone can conjure up a bewitching Halloween. Happy Holiday!

Biographical Sketch - Mary Mendoza

Mary Mendoza writes for Country Pleasures magazine, based in Leavenworth, Washington. Her humor column "Laugh Lines" appears in the Journal newspapers (journal-newspapers.com). Mendoza is also the author of more than 150 feature articles, which have appeared in various regional publications.

Her awards include a winning humor essay in "Write Times," and a first place in Scribe and Quill's online contest "Tell Your Tale of Writing Woe."

Mendoza's media career includes jobs at KING Television in Seattle and television stations and newspapers in California. She can be reached at mmcmendoza@ispiral.com.