Madcap Mary's Decorating Diary
By Mary Mendoza
It's no secret that I'm hooked on decorating. Decorating is my life, my soft caramel center, my raison d'etre. But as you've gathered from articles like "Hung Up On Curtains" and "The Pain of Paint" life as a home decorator isn't all sweetness and slipcovers.
Yes, I've made some progress since I first wrote about "The Dangers of Decorating" but lately I've started to question whether my decorating obsession may be stunting my personal growth. Am I, in the words of Oprah, "using my life" to its full potential? Read the following excerpts from my diary and see what you think.
Friday
After three hours on the Internet I found the ceramic house numbers I've been searching for. They're handmade Italian Vietri tile. Removed ugly old numbers. East wall will have to be replaced, but it's a small price to pay.
Monday
Dock workers strike. House numbers somewhere between Naples and Seattle. I could have flown to Italy faster.
Tuesday
Torn between wrought iron and wooden frame for the house numbers. So distraught, unable to cook dinner.
Wednesday
Found mailman wandering around neighborhood. Couldn't find our house because there are no numbers. Slapped up some peel and stick ones.
Thursday
No luck finding a mailbox. The burnished bronze ones are $100 and I refuse to settle for a $14 Wal-Mart special.
Saturday
Tossed and turned until 1 a.m. fretting about the bathroom fan. Don't want a plastic box, want something unique -- maybe Moroccan. The ceiling is high enough, but the width is only 22 inches. Worry that anyone over 5 feet 5 inches would be decapitated.
Monday
Tile Man called. He'll be here Thursday. Am I emotionally prepared?
Thursday p.m.
Thank God that's over.
Saturday
The dude at the home center says our timing is lousy. They just sold the last of the Paradise Green outdoor carpeting! We've been there three times. I can't face going back.
Wednesday
Disaster in the kid's bedroom. Must totally rethink the project.
Monday
Yesterday afternoon, during a record-breaking heat wave, we refinished an antique bookshelf I bought two years ago for our bedroom. Glad I reamed out the room first- the feng shui was completely out of whack.
Tuesday
Yippee! I'm now on the American Blind and Wallpaper Factory mailing list.
Wednesday
A Chinese gentleman is trying to sell me bath mats, two for $8, on the Internet. Must pass. The shipping charge from Hong Kong is $145.
Thursday a.m.
A Turkish gentleman wants me to purchase fireplace tiles from him via the Internet. We don't have a fireplace.
Saturday
Big day. Sunset and This Old House just arrived.
Monday
I'm number 172 on the waiting list at the library for Christopher Lowell's If You Can Dream It, You Can Do It: Dream Decor on a Budget.
Monday p.m.
Put measuring tape on bed stand in case I wake up during the night and need to measure for new drapes or that second French door.
Tuesday a.m.
Last night I dreamed I was being chased by giant bolts of upholstery fabric who forced me to choose between laminate and hardwood flooring. The head bolt looked like Stephen King.
Wednesday
Discovered new website with a real live designer who answers questions (http://www.home-decorating.com). Maybe she can tackle all my personal problems, too!
Monday
The librarian tells me I'm maxed out on the number of bathroom remodeling books I can check out. There's a 200-book limit.
Thursday
Antonio is threatening to call the cable company and have HGTV disconnected.
Tuesday
Last night, I was nearly killed by a ten pound baked ham. The tea towel I was using in lieu of a potholder touched the oven element and burst into flames. I balanced the ham with my potholdered hand and tried to douse the fire by waving the towel in the air. Flames came dangerously close to setting my hair on fire. Stuck my head in a bucket of chilled Chablis I keep around for this sort of situation. Thank goodness I didn't end up with a hunka, hunka burnin' ham.
Wednesday
Still upset about ham incident. Think I should buy some new curtains to calm my nerves.
Friday
Lost the bid on eBay for the vintage crystal doorknobs. Damn!
Saturday
Spent all day looking at fabric samples when I should have been vacuuming. Visited Christopher Lowell's website and learned how to make a valance out of corrugated cardboard!
Sunday
Just back from the Seattle Interior Show. Saw some magnificent Masland carpet, the door hardware I've been looking for, some awesome vintage lights that might work in the bathroom and the dreamiest kitchen cabinets. It was heaven!
Monday
Thinking about rag rolling the bathroom walls for a Tuscan farmhouse look.
Tuesday
Christmas Eve. Visions of damask are dancing in my head. Swirling images of tapestry-covered love seats, and break-dancing breakfronts appear before me. Hope Santa found the $700 Venetian glass sink and the traditional chintz throw cushions I asked for.
Wednesday
New Year's Day. What with the holidays I've not had a moment to devote to real decorating. Must do better next year.
Biographical Sketch - Mary Mendoza
Madcap Mary Mendoza, formerly known as Hurricane Mary, lives in the Pacific Northwest with her husband, son, three cats and 200,000 Sunset magazines.
Madcap's humor columns and feature stories have appeared in publications around the Northwest as well as online. She is the author of The Adventures of Madcap Mary, a collection of humorous stories. Madcap can be reached at mcmendoza@ispiral.com. Visit Madcap's site! http://www.madcapmary.com.
